What is my role as a mediator?

As a mediator, I work to create and hold a supportive space for people in conflict to come together in a meaningful way. I support all participants in communicating with each other, both through speaking and listening.   The mediation container and process can dramatically shift patterns of interaction by providing an opportunity for all participants to share and be heard.   As a mediator, I do not judge or weigh evidence or give an opinion on what’s “fair” or what one person might “owe” another or what a court might say.  Instead, my goal is to create and hold a space and process to facilitate dialogue and understanding among the participants.  I will help draft written agreements if both parties decide that is something they would like to have in place.  The mediation process can move conflict from an adversarial stance (ime against you) to a collaborative one (how can we work together for both of us).

Can mediation make conflict constructive?

As humans, when we are faced with conflict, we tend to revert to habitual patterns of reactivity that may have developed as protective strategies earlier in our lives.  Showing up to conflict as wise adults, with curiosity and openness, is difficult.  Having a supportive third party and a protected space and process can make a huge difference in our ability to show up differently within difficult conversations.   The support of the mediation process can help shift the energy of a conflict from that of destructive fixed positions and conclusions to that of more openness, curiosity, and compassion — a shift that can lead to more constructive conversations and creative outcomes.   Full participation in mediation takes courage and trust that you will be supported.   It is uncomfortable to be in conflict in our usual ways and it is uncomfortable to try new ways to be with conflict; we can choose the discomfort of doing the same or the discomfort of trying something new that may change outcomes and relationships. 

What are core aspects of the mediation process?

The mediation process is built on several core principles that serve to providing a supportive environment for all participants.  The process is voluntary, confidential, and self-determined and all participants agree to participate in good faith — meaning they are genuinely there to work through differences as best they are able and are entering into the process with at least some openness and curiosity, which includes the willingness to listen to the perspectives of others.

Self-determination:  The process is directed by the participants, with the mediator as a third party facilitator.  Any agreements or outcomes will be mutually agreed upon and developed by the participants, not the mediator.   This is your mediation and while the mediator will work to hold the space and carry out the components of the process, you as participants ultimately have control over how it unfolds and what comes out of the process.  The mediator will not provide judgements or opinions or make any final conclusions.

Voluntary:  The process is voluntary, even if participants are ordered by a court to try mediation.  Participants never have to stay if the process is not working for them.  And, at the same time, as part of self-determination, the process belongs to all participants and you are always welcome to speak up about what is not working for you and what you might need to stay fully engaged in the process.  As the mediator, it is my job to do what I can to support you in the process and provide what you need to stay engaged.

Confidentiality in general: All participants and mediators agree before hand to destroy any notes and to not share details of mediation with anyone outside the mediation process, even loved ones and family members.   All participants agree that “what is said in the room, stays in the room.”  This is a crucial part of the process to help participants feel comfortable sharing openly and creatively without fear about how something said might be used in the future.

Confidentiality in situations with the potential to end up in court:  If the dispute is one with the potential to proceed in the legal system, the mediation process is carried out beyond the eyes of the court.  This allows parties explore creative options and solutions without worry that ideas or potential concessions will be used against them later in court.  As the mediator, I am not allowed to testify in court and the court is not allowed to ask questions about what ideas arose during mediation.   If an agreement is developed and signed by both parties, then the signed document can be upheld in a court of law; however, the information shared leading up to a signed agreement that is not explicitly stated in the agreement is still confidential. 

What are some benefits of mediation?

• Potential for improved relationships and healing
• Ease stress that can come from unresolved conflict
• Participant control of process and outcome
• Flexibility in agreements
• Less money, time, and stress than lawyers and court system, with the potential for improved relationship and healing.

Other frequently asked questions:

Will I be able to talk privately with the mediator?  Yes, it can be helpful to have private and confidential meetings (caucuses) with the mediator before and/or during mediation.   If a private meeting is held with one participant, a meeting of about the same length will be held with the other participant(s) as well.  Private meetings can give you the chance to voice concerns, practice communicating ideas, and can allow the mediator to ask follow-up questions about your situation that might not be appropriate to ask in the joint session. 

How do I find out more or start the process?

Please reach out if you have questions about the process and how it might work for your situation.

How much will it cost?

I use a sliding scale depending on the situation, the type of mediation, and the time needed to create documents outside of the active mediation process.   I typically provide a fixed fee based on an expected number of hours and up to a maximum number of hours.